Amy Hill Hearth

 

"It took me 100 years to figure out that I can't change the world. I can only change Bessie." – Bessie Delany at age 102

 

I think of this quote from Having Our Say every time I feel frustrated and helpless about our country and the world today.

 

Realistically, what can I do to stop the bloodshed in Ukraine or Israel or Sudan?

 

Here in the U.S., our divisions are unlike anything I've experienced in my lifetime. It seems impossible to persuade anyone to consider an alternative point of view. We've become a nation of shouters, not listeners.

 

So, as Bessie noted, the only control we have is over ourselves. I can improve myself as a human being – and even that's not easy to do.

 

Most of us are taught that we can make a difference in life, that even the smallest gestures can impact someone's future in a positive way, and surely that's true. I'm not saying we should abandon those efforts. In fact, we should double-down on them in these hard times.  

 

In the big picture, however, the deeper truth is that very few people (and I am not among them) have actual power in this world, and unfortunately, many of them wield that power in grotesque ways.

 

I can write letters. I can donate money. Probably the most important thing I can do is vote in November, and you can be sure that I will.

They were smart. Wise. Intuitive. Their stories from long ago were riveting and historically significant.

  

But what seemed to draw readers to Sadie and Bessie Delany, the late centenarian pair of sisters of Having Our Say fame, was the fact that they were utterly charming and completely genuine. In a society in which people are accustomed to artifice and manipulation, the Delany Sisters were a shock. In telling their story, they had no agenda, and readers could sense it immediately.

 

The day I met them in 1991, they were 100 and 102 years old, and I was a 33-year-old newspaper reporter. Talking to them was like time-travel. They reached back into the past with ease, and took me with them.    

 

They blew me away.

 

I was captivated by the way they interacted with one another, sister to sister, after living together for a century. When I got home that evening, the first thing I did was call my own sister, who is a year and a half older. I couldn't wait to tell her about the pair of centenarian sisters I had met that day, and how they were still giggling and quarreling about things that had happened a century ago when they were little girls. 

 

This was, I told my own sister, the sweetest thing I've ever witnessed.

 

It is this sweetness, this unvarnished charm, that flows through the book. I made sure to include it all. I didn't want the book to come across as too reverent which to me meant stale. I wanted readers to know what it felt like to be in my shoes while I observed them puttering in the kitchen, or listening from "my" chair in the parlor or at the dining room table. Happily, the sisters liked my approach. When I suggested that the book be a work of oral history rather than a third-person biography, they agreed to that as well. To me, the words they chose to tell their stories were as important as the stories themselves.

 

And so, Having Our Say is peppered with endearing expressions and anecdotes. The sisters, for example, referred to themselves quaintly as "maiden ladies," a term I had heard perhaps one other time in my life. When I asked the name of their cat, they explained cheerfully, "We call him Mr. Delany since we don't have a man in the house." When asked why they thought they had lived so long, they replied: "It's because we never married. We never had husbands to worry us to death!" And then they shrieked with laughter at their own joke. 

 

I could go on....and on. But it's all in the book for you to read, anyway. You'll learn a great deal of American history from the book. You'll see flashes of anger and sorrow as they tell their stories. You'll be appalled at some of it. But most of all, when you reach the last page, you'll realize you've fallen in love with the Delany Sisters.  

 

I'm so grateful to my literary agent, Mel Berger at William Morris Endeavor, and the fabulous Blackstone Publishing for the upcoming ebook and audio editions of HAVING OUR SAY. Both editions will be available January 3, just ahead of Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.'s birthday and Black History Month. With all the strife in our society, it seems like a good time for the sisters' wisdom and perspective to receive new attention. Teachers, if you're looking for a way to help students understand the legacy of slavery and Jim Crow laws in America, HAVING OUR SAY is a great place to start. The book has been read by millions since its 1993 publication. 

        Imagine walking down a sidewalk in New York City and seeing thousands of pieces of paper caught in the wind. When you pick up one document out of curiosity, you see that these are, in fact, your papers. It's the Great Depression, you were unable to pay your rent at your dental practice, and your landlord has tossed all of your belongings, including your patient records, bills, and books, into the street. You run up and down the street for hours grabbing what you can. You are heartbroken. All of your dreams have been crushed.

         

      Imagine being a four-year-old girl in Chicago in 1929 who becomes sick with one of the most feared diseases in the world, diphtheria. The city's health department quarantines you, along with your father, into your railroad flat. Officials nail the door shut and paint a giant "D" for diphtheria on your front door. You survive, as does your father, only to have the same thing happen when your family relocates to New York City two years later and the disease you catch this time is scarlet fever. You and your father survive this, too.

     

       Imagine being an Eagle Scout who enlists in the U.S. Army three days after graduating high school in Wauwatosa, Wisconsin, in 1942. By the age of 20 you find yourself on the other side of the world, trying not to get killed by Japanese snipers. Before that, however, there is basic training where, during a live-ammunition exercise, you see your first death. A soldier next to you lifts his head slightly too high while you're all scrambling on your stomachs across a field. Your fellow soldier is killed right before your eyes, and you haven't even left the USA yet.

  

        The first example was Dr. Bessie Delany of the famed centenarian Delany Sisters with whom I collaborated on the 1993 oral history, HAVING OUR SAY. Through her own ingenuity and grit, she re-built her dental practice. She continued to practice dentistry until her retirement.

 

        The second example was my mother. My mother played with her dolls, said prayers, and sang songs to keep up her own spirits while extremely ill and quarantined.

        

        The third example was my father. He adapted and survived WW II in the Army by focusing on a combination of hope, humor, and can-do optimism.  

         

         I provide these three examples to illustrate 1.) losing a business 2.) facing dire illness and quarantine, and 3.) being a war-time soldier.

         

         What these three individuals had in common was resilience. While one could argue that resilience is a trait with which one is born, I contend that it is a learned skill.

         

         Resilience is a reaction to a bad situation. It's a way of framing a problem. It's being knocked down and getting up again.

         

         We're all getting some practice in the art of resilience this year. A pandemic, a severely-damaged economy and a stunning level of anger and uncertainty have created a tragic year, and it's only October.  

         

         I've had my share of hardship and losses in my life, but my response to this year (which, for me, also included the death of my mother in March) has been one of resilience. I am not patting myself on the back. I owe this, 100 percent, to those who modeled that behavior for me, including the Delany Sisters and my own parents.

         

         Resilience is not just an attitude. It's having the ability to stay calm and find solutions, even if they're only smalls steps. Problem-solving, thinking ahead, and accepting reality are part of it, too. Being resilient does not mean your response is perfect. Resilient people have days when they don't get out of bed, or days when they get angry, but the difference is that the next day they are ready to start over. Being resilient, ultimately, can become part of a broader pattern. It is a way of life.  

         

         Now I come full circle to something my readers, followers, and fans have heard me say for years: Listen to your elders, especially those who seem to bounce back from life's challenges. Seek out people you admire and follow in their footsteps.

         

         Remember, at the same time, that some people deemed strong in our society are actually quite weak. Don't mistake loudness for leadership, or over-sharing and attention-seeking for being honest. Beware of people who need to actively prove something all the time. Our culture offers many more negative than positive examples. If you don't have anyone to emulate in your life, then follow the insight offered by the Delany Sisters. "The world is full of good people. Your job is to find them."

 

Many parents complain that their child finds history boring, and yet the development of a love of history will make his or her life far richer. A person who finds history fascinating will have an enhanced view of the world and will be a better citizen. He or she will understand that to be fully alive in the present, it is imperative to know what life was like in the past.

Exploring historical topics can be an exhilarating experience. This has happened to me in my career many times but one of the most memorable moments occurred in lower Manhattan when I successfully retraced the steps of a black schoolteacher named Elizabeth Jennings, who was the Rosa Parks of old New York. Most of the buildings were gone, several streets were re-named, and indeed the shape of Manhattan island itself was different than it had been that fateful day in 1854 when Miss Jennings refused to leave a segregated streetcar and was physically assaulted. She went to court, and the result was the first significant step in the fight to desegregate New York City's public transportation. As I was re-tracing her steps I came across a small patch of old cobblestones with streetcar tracks still visible. From my reaction, passersby might have thought I had struck gold.

But, indeed, that is the point. It was gold! It was a tiny piece of the past that ignited my determination to tell the Elizabeth Jennings story to the world. She deserved a book, so I wrote one.

Where does this determination and joy come from? Parents, teachers, and librarians ask me if I was born with a love of history or if I acquired it. The good news is that it is learned behavior! Here are some suggestions that I can share with you:

1. START EARLY. My parents took my siblings and me to historical sites and museums from a very young age. A particular favorite that I remember was Fort Ticonderoga on the upper reaches of Lake George, N.Y. Another memorable place – which wasn't even a developed as a landmark yet – was Cowpens, a Revolutionary Battle site in South Carolina.

 

2. SHOW YOUR OWN ENTHUSIASM. My dad loved history and his enthusiasm was contagious. I remember other kids at museums or historic sites who seemed bored and I recall their parents acting bored, too. If you act like it is a chore, your child will follow your example.

3. STEP ASIDE. My dad had a way of (sometimes) overselling his own interests, but my mom would listen and watch carefully to see what caught each of our imaginations. Then she supported and built on that interest.

 

4. RESEARCH apps and games that tie in to places you'll visit. In my day we didn't have such things but we did have an encyclopedia, World Book, and Dad would read aloud before we went on an excursion. Today, there are more books than ever and for all ages that parents should investigate to help pique the child's interest ahead of time. If you're not sure, ask a librarian.

 

5. ARTIFACTS ARE IMPORTANT. The first historical object that captured my imagination was an artifact my great-great grandpa had brought back from the Civil War: two bullets that had hit head on during a battle, and melted together. That's a pretty spectacular artifact but the reality is that most people have all kinds of objects that could lead to fascinating discussions with a child. Look around you. You may have old tools, horseshoes, paper artifacts such as passports. Even an old typewriter could spark a conversation.

6. ENCOURAGE YOUR CHILD TO RESPECT ELDERS and to listen to their stories. I was lucky to have a number of relatives who lived into their nineties and even past 100. Our old folks were the center of our lives. If great-grandma wanted to eat lunch at noon, that meant we all ate lunch at noon. If you respect your old folks you will be interested in their stories. (Tip: If you don't know how to start asking an elder about the past, start by looking at an old photo album together.)

 
7. EVERYONE HAS A STORY: That is an old saying worth teaching your child. Reach out to your community to hear other people's stories. If a Holocaust survivor, for example, is speaking at your local library, by all means go, and bring your child. Search your neighborhood, visit a local nursing home, ask at your church, synagogue, or other place of worship, and you will find older people, many of them lonely, who have stories to share of the old days.

In sum, to love history is to enjoy a richer life, yet many Americans have lost sight of the past. How can we make decisions for the future if we don't know what happened before our time? History is not "over" nor is it dead, as some would say. Rather, it is the foundation of all things here and now.

 

Amy Hill Hearth is the author, most recently, of STREETCAR TO JUSTICE: HOW ELIZABETH JENNINGS WON THE RIGHT TO RIDE IN NEW YORK, written for middle-grade to adult readers. She has written nine other books including HAVING OUR SAY: THE DELANY SISTERS' FIRST 100 YEARS. Find out more at www.amyhillhearth.com